The inner game of leadership

There’s a kind of leadership we don’t talk about enough; the kind that doesn’t start with strategy, goals, or performance metrics. It starts within.

The inner game of leadership is about clarifying who we are, what we value, and how we want to show up in the world. It’s not flashy. It’s not always measurable. But it’s the foundation for everything else.

When we start from the outside, chasing external markers of success (reacting to what others expect from us, trying to prove something) we might achieve a lot, but at a cost. Burnout. Disconnection. A nagging feeling that we’re off course, even if things look good on paper.

But when we slow down and turn inward, something changes. We begin to notice the stories we’re telling ourselves. We develop self-awareness. We start choosing our direction based on what actually matters to us. Not just what we think we should care about.

From Outside-In to Inside-Out

For me, this shift didn’t happen overnight. I used to work hard to fit the roadmap that was laid out for me by my family, the media I consumed, the people I admired. I wanted to impress them. I wanted to succeed in a way they’d be proud of.

And it wore me down.

At some point, I stumbled across The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* by Mark Manson. That book lit a spark. Not because it gave me all the answers, but because it asked a better question: What do you actually want to care about?

That one landed.

From there, I dove into more books, self-reflection, and conversations that helped me shift the focus from “What do people want from me?” to “What do I want? and why do I want it?”

Defining Integrity for Yourself

A big piece of this work is integrity. Not the rigid kind defined by other people’s rules, but the kind you define for yourself. What are your values? What matters to you when no one’s watching?

It’s hard to live in integrity if you’ve never paused to decide what that actually means for you. And the truth is, we’re constantly being told what to care about. Wealth, status and fame are baked into the air we breathe.

But if those things come from a place of unconscious programming, even if we get them, they don’t feel the way we hoped. I’m basing that off the many rich and famous people that have said so. 

On the other hand, when we start with the inner work; when we get clear on what we want and why, we begin to navigate life with a compass that actually points somewhere meaningful. Success becomes a byproduct, not the driver.

So, Who Are You?

That’s the real question, isn’t it?

Who are you when you stop trying to fit in? When you stop performing and start listening to yourself?

That’s the space I love to explore; within myself, with clients, with anyone willing to go there. And the more we create environments where people feel safe to express their ideas, cheer each other on for their weirdness, and genuinely connect, the more alive we all become.

Leadership, to me, is about that aliveness. It’s about being the kind of person who leads from clarity and integrity, not performance and pressure.

If we ever work together, you can bet we’ll explore this.

Because leadership is an inside job. And it’s the most rewarding work I know.

Thanks for reading,

Dom

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