"Owning my shit" changed everything

The quality of my life shifted for the better when my coach challenged me to “own my shit.” I brought to him a complaint I had about my relationship with my dad. Our relationship was friendly but, at the same time, strained, and I wanted more. I didn’t want to wake up someday with him gone and the regret that we never really connected as I wished we would.

He’s gone now, and things didn’t end up perfect, but I’m proud to say that our relationship improved and that we grew closer in his final years.

I created this outcome because of taking heed of my coach’s challenge. I reflected on ways I could show up with my dad and for my dad that would soften the space we shared.

I recognized that if I wanted a different outcome, I needed to take responsibility for creating it... “owning my shit.” I parked my complaints and judgments. I was intentional in how I was being with him. I asked more questions from a place of genuine curiosity. In short, I challenged myself to operate consistently above the line (open, curious, and willing to learn). I got off autopilot. I got out of my own way. I parked the stories I had about my past with him.

A funny thing started happening. We relaxed around each other. Our focus wasn’t about protecting, but about focusing on what the other needed most.

I’ve committed to taking 100% responsibility for my experience of life, and it has been life-altering. Am I perfect in doing so? Hell no, but I recognize when I’m not and gently bring myself back to my commitment.

This commitment has been particularly helpful as I’ve transitioned into a wheelchair. I apply the exact same approach - I park my complaints and judgments, I get out of my own way, I focus on what I need most, and I’m intentional in how I show up for myself.

I’m happy to report, and I think folks who know me would report the same,  that I have managed this difficult transition phenomenally well, and I attribute it mostly to choosing to take 100% responsibility for how I engage with my situation.

Sometimes the greatest shifts begin the moment we stop waiting for someone else to go first.

Curious where that might apply in your own life.