Love Island got me thinking about leadership
I'll admit it—when my partner Elena started watching Love Island, I could barely stand to be in the same room. The secondhand embarrassment was too much to handle. But as the show played in the background week after week, something shifted. I found myself getting curious about what would happen next, despite my initial resistance.
What struck me most wasn't the drama or the relationships, but something deeper: it was the disconnect between what people were saying and what they seemed to be feeling underneath. In high-pressure social situations like this, it's natural to fall back on familiar scripts or say what we think others want to hear. This disconnect, I think, is exactly what creates the tension that keeps us watching.
The Authenticity Gap
This morning, I had a realization that connected those reality TV moments to something I see all the time in leadership: the gap between script and sincerity.
Think about it—when someone says they're falling for another person but their actions contradict their words, or when their supposed affection feels performative rather than genuine, it creates confusion. The words are there, but the underlying feelings don't match. It's a fundamentally human challenge that becomes magnified in high-stakes environments.
The Leadership Parallel
I see this same dynamic playing out in workplaces. Leaders who focus so intently on saying the "right" things that they lose sight of whether they actually believe what they're saying.
Here's a common example: We've all read that people perform better when they feel valued. So we show up with the words "I value you" while simultaneously believing that person needs to be fixed, changed, or isn't quite competent enough. We deliver the script of value while carrying the energy of liability.
The result? Our team members feel the same confusion as those navigating complex relationships on Love Island. They hear one thing but sense something entirely different. The disconnect creates drama, uncertainty, and ultimately undermines trust.
The Energy Behind the Words
People are remarkably skilled at sensing authenticity—or the lack thereof. The same sentence can land completely differently depending on whether the speaker truly believes what they're saying. When our words align with our genuine feelings and beliefs, they carry weight and create connection. When they don't, they feel manipulative or hollow, regardless of our intentions.
This isn't about being perfect. It's about being real.
The Inner Work of Leadership
The solution isn't to find better scripts or more convincing delivery. It's to do the inner work that allows us to genuinely see our team members for their potential rather than their limitations. It's about shifting from external validation and manipulation to internal awareness and intentionality.
When we consistently choose to see the best in our teammates—to operate from a place of genuine belief in their capabilities—our words naturally align with our feelings. And when we inevitably fall short of this ideal (because we're human), we own up to it, clear the air, and get back on track.
The Takeaway
Whether it's on Love Island or in the conference room, authenticity matters. People can sense when our words and feelings don't match, and that disconnect creates confusion and erodes trust. Leadership isn't about having perfect words—it's about the alignment between what we say and what we genuinely believe.
So maybe reality TV has something to teach us about leadership after all.
Here's my hope for everyone navigating complex relationships—whether on the island or in the workplace: speak from the heart and you're more likely to get a response from the heart. Speak from the script and you're more likely to get a response from the script.
Lead with love,
Dom
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